So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
