I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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