Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
