Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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