my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
