I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
