i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
