So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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