Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
