Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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