im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
