would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
