How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
