New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
