its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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