I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
