I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
