Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
