Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am available for nakedness
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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