I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
