His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
