They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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