just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
