Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
