She's JV to your varsity
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
