I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
