I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
