and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
