well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
