I wish my penis had an off switch
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
