Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
