So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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