I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
