This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
