Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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