I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
