i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
