no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
