How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
