i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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