I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
