I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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