Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
