you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
