Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
