how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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