I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
