I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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