break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
