My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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