he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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