If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
