I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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