every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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