I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
