Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
