he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
