bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
